“Does your family need anything I cannot provide?”: A dare to dream brave

“What? You still don’t know where you’ll stay in Singapore? You don’t have much time left!”

“How will you move homes with a three-month-old and a toddler?”

“How will you start work if you don’t have accommodation in Singapore?”

My heart fluttered as I tried to field the questions, and I grew practised at sweeping anxiety from my face.

Still, I often found myself scrambling to swim back into shallow waters and counterfeit words, trying to sieve reassurance from my own thoughts to pass on to others.

The temporary accommodation options we had found so far were either exorbitant or unsuitable. Then when a place within our budget finally came up, it was a one-bedroom apartment.

For a family of four, with two little ones under three years of age – one a newborn – it would be nightmarish.

“Have you thought about their futures?”

One other fear I had concerned Sarah-Faith’s eczema. Over the Canadian winter, her skin, once porcelain smooth, had erupted into a carpet of angry red discs all over her body.

Even with moisturising her skin five times a day and wrapping her with Vaseline under a wetsuit at night, countless allergy tests, medication and restriction diets, her condition worsened.

One afternoon a well-meaning neighbour strolled into our backyard and said to me: “Isn’t Singapore extremely hot? Won’t her skin get worse?”

With Esther-Praise swaddled and cradled in one of my arms and Sarah-Faith running around me, I struggled to hold back tears.

*Wai Jia with her newborn Esther-Praise and older daughter Sarah-Faith.*

It was our 11th move in the past six years of marriage over four countries – Singapore, Uganda, the United States and Canada.

We had received our fair share of wagging fingers, but more now that we had children in tow.

“Have you thought about their futures?”

“Aren’t you robbing them of a stable life?”

“Isn’t it unhealthy to live this way?”

As time passed, my worries sprouted fronds that fingered their way into the future.

“Even in my obedience, how was I being a blessing at all to my children?”

What about our daughters’ sense of identity and heritage, let alone our housing, healthcare, insurance and childcare needs?

In the quiet of the night, when everyone else was asleep, I found myself crying.

With our other moves, Cliff and I had experienced God’s provisions from taking leaps of faith. But this move felt different.

With a toddler thick in her terrible twos, my postpartum self and a defenceless newborn, I suddenly felt unable to take another leap.

The how, what and when questions became unanswerable. Even in my obedience, how was I being a blessing at all to my children?

Yet God continued to whisper: “Obey Me, and I will bless them.”

*The Tams in Canada before their big move back to Singapore in 2019*

The weeks passed, and I pressed into God in prayer.

He had taught me that the legacy of a well-lived life is not in striving but in the pressing in with prayers of clarity.

He was calling me to abandon the listless life of vague prayers and half-baked faith.

He wanted me to enter into that sacred space of intercession, more so with family in tow, and in doing so discover the texture and tenacity, power and potency of well-defined, specific prayer.

“Where we fear to tread, God is already there.”

Finally, an Australian volunteer from Kitesong Global shared that a family friend from Melbourne had a vacant three-bedroom apartment in Singapore.

“Would you like to stay there for your first month in Singapore, until you find a suitable rental?”

As if God wanted to make it clear that this was divine providence and not merely coincidence, the homeowner’s sister, who was staying in the apartment temporarily, planned to move out the very morning we would land in Singapore.

Now I sensed God whisper: “Does your family need anything I cannot provide?”

Where we fear to tread, God is already there.

*Cliff with one-and-a-half-year-old Sarah-Faith. Her struggles with eczema had not yet begun at that time*

Emboldened to deepen the specificity of my prayers, I confessed to Cliff: “I’ve been praying for a ‘Singaporean Sarah’ to love on Sarah-Faith as though she were like family to her.” He smiled knowingly.

Sarah was a close American friend of ours, a homeschooling mum with three young sons who cared for a friend’s little girl on a regular basis while her parents worked.

With our returning to Singapore, primarily for me to complete my work contract, I longed for a trusted mama friend to help Cliff – who would continue to be a stay-at-home parent – care for our toddler for a few hours each week while I was at work. Then he could work on his theological studies or get some respite.

I wanted someone who would love Sarah-Faith like family and understand her serious eczema condition. So like a secret folded in origami, I hid the prayer in my heart.

*No matter what treatments they tried in Canada, Sarah-Faith’s skin continued to flare up from her eczema. Miraculously, her skin healed on their first week back in Singapore*

A month before we left Canada, a lady I had met only once years earlier reached out to me via text. I didn’t know her well, but I knew she loved the Lord.

I know it will be hard for you all to adjust back to Singapore as a family.

I homeschool my boys, and would very, very much like to take Sarah-Faith for homeschooling lessons, if you think it’s a good idea.

My husband and I prayed about it and are convicted not to charge you and Cliff for it because it’s our ministry to you both.

Sarah-Faith would be like family to us.

Like family to us. Tears welled. The words like family were the very words I had used in prayer.

I later found out that, like our friend Sarah, this lady had three little boys. The semblance was uncanny.

When no one but Cliff knew my heart’s desire, God did. In every sense, He provided our “Singaporean Sarah.”

“When no one but Cliff knew my heart’s desire, God did.”

Even when we couldn’t see the future, He did.

Just as how Isaac blessed his children as an act of faith, God taught me that He desires to see that kind of faith proclaimed over the future generations in our lives.

Easing me into our friendship, this lady regularly sent me photos of her children.

This is Daniel, she wrote. He has severe eczema. So don’t worry, I know what to do with Sarah-Faith. She’ll be comfortable in our home.

I was scanning through more photos she sent me when my jaw froze.

In the background of one of them was the exact toy ice-cream truck my mother-in-law had gifted Sarah-Faith that we had to leave behind in the move!

I stared at the text, my mouth open with disbelief. I felt God’s gentle chiding. “Even with your best intentions, can anyone love your children more than I do?”

*Sarah-Faith with the ice-cream truck she loved. Who knew that she would be reunited again with the same toy in Singapore?*

In Psalm 23:6, David says: “Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life.” In Hebrew, the word for follow means “pursue”.

When we obey God, His beneficence seeks us out, for as a good Father, He is eagerly waiting to pour His love onto us. He is constantly working, constantly pursuing us, so He can bless us, generously and unbegrudgingly.

Days later, during a farewell visit, a close friend of Cliff ’s gave us a large set of Mega Bloks for our children. As soon as he gave it to us, my heart sank knowing there was no way we could take it to Singapore for them to enjoy.

But two days later, a friend from Singapore who volunteered to help us collate kid items for our children before we landed texted with a photo: I set aside this for you. Would you and your children like to have it?

“(God) never requires hasty decisions that compromise our children’s well-being.”

It was the exact same box of Mega Bloks as the one we had to leave behind. When no one else knew my heart’s desires for our children’s play and growth, God did.

He provided an identical set of Mega Bloks, an identical toy ice-cream truck, as if asking me repeatedly:

“Can you love your children more than I can?”

“Have I ever left you or your family to sink when you obeyed Me to walk on water?”

“Can you trust Me to bless your children in the future when you cannot yet see it?”

Filled with His peace, the “moving must be so hard” comments seemed bizarre to me, because the joy of living on the edge of God’s surprises made the petty suffering of uncertainty insignificant.

In our pursuit to follow the dreams God has for us, He never requires hasty decisions that compromise our children’s well-being.

All He asks of us, as He did of Isaac, is to trust Him to bless our children “concerning things to come” (Hebrews 11:20).

After all, God knows the future. When we trust and obey, will our children not also be recipients of a legacy of faith?

I felt God tell me that, like Abraham, we must be willing to surrender our children to Him and trust Him to provide the ram in the thicket (Genesis 22:13–14).

Isaac’s life was a testimony of Abraham’s faith. And through that inheritance of faith, he was able to pass on the blessings of faith to his children.

Anchored on Hebrews 11, Dream Brave takes readers through its verses to unravel practical applications of faith, which are also accompanied by powerful testimonies.

To pre-order the book, head to www.kitedreams.org/dreambrave.

This article was first published in Salt&Light